Impossible
by PokewriterK1
Summary: Au ish. He knew that their love was impossible. He knew that there was no way that he was going to be able to have his love. He was in love with someone else..the person he loved. And he knew...that it was impossible. He was known for doing the impossible...but this was one thing he couldn't do. "I have resigned as your captain." And he couldn't take it anymore... M now. Yaoi.
1. Prologue: Impossible

**_Impossible_**

_Au ish. He knew that their love was impossible. He knew that there was no way that he was going to be able to have his love. He was in love with someone else..the person he loved. And he knew...that it was impossible. He was known for doing the impossible...but this was one thing he couldn't do. "I am no longer your captain, I have resigned." And he couldn't take it anymore..._

* * *

**_Prologue:_**

**_Impossible_**

_Kirk slammed his fist into the wall and looked down as the tears dripped from his eyes. A cry escaped his lips as the tears dripped onto the blood stained carpet. He felt the world start to break in his mind and he finally collapsed to his knees, putting his head in his hands as the tears fell. He couldn't take it anymore. He was so hurt, in so much pain...and he couldn't take it._

* * *

Spock blinked a few times as he stepped onto the Bridge, glancing over everyone. They were all silent, but staring at the same thing. Carefully he walked over and saw exactly what they were looking at. On the Captain's chair lay a note that was addressed to him. The note was stained with blood as well as water, but it was still written with elegance. It certainly had not been rushed on any level.

Carefully he picked up the note and began to look it over calmly, not letting any sign of emotion flicker onto his face. But that didn't last for much longer before they all saw his eyes widen in what seemed like shock. He clutched the note before dropping it and running out. He didn't seem upset, but clearly he was not pleased either.

Uhura carefully picked the note up and began to read it softly to them all, figuring that they might as well see what was happening.

_"I have decided...that I am going to leave the USS Enterprise. In fact, I'm going to leave Star Fleet all together. And I am leaving the crew in your hands, Mr. Spock. They are now fully yours, and you are now Captain of this ship...I...I want to tell you something but I realize that it is not my place to. Thus all I am doing is leaving you this note. By the time you find this, I will be gone...so there is no use in coming after me. I hope...you and the crew will be alright. Tell everyone I am sorry...but none of them are going to convince me to come back. Tell Bones to not worry, and that I'll be alright without him nagging me about shots every five seconds...and that I appreciate him being my friend. I appreciate you being my friend as well Spock...but this is where I leave all of you. Goodbye..._

_-James T. Kirk."_

Several people looked down and Uhura closed her eyes, understanding now why her boyfriend ran out of the room so quickly. Despite it all...he was going to try and find Kirk before he got to far...but she knew he wasn't going to find him. She knew that Kirk was probably far away by now, and not anywhere near where they were. He was gone...

* * *

He pushed the hat down, covering his face as he walked down the streets, keeping his bag close. Only a few people took the time to look at him, the others really seemed to care less. He was glad of that, because no one cared enough to question him. He bit his lip as he moved quickly then, hearing something behind him. _  
_

He hadn't wanted to come back here. But he knew it was the only place that none of them would look for him. The only place he would be safe. Yes, he had to be safe here. It was the only place he had. But...while he was safe from his ex-crew...he was in danger on a whole different level here. Back in the place that he learned to fight...but that was because of everything that had happened to him here.

On a level that he never wanted to re-visit, for the rest of his life. But, he was in that area, in that place...in which it could...he just hoped it wouldn't.

_There was blood all over the ground, stained into the carpet where the body was laying. He took a step back in pure horror as he was hit across the face with something, feeling the blood drip down his face. He stopped moving then, but he was shaking as he realized that they just killed someone. They just killed someone...and he was bound to be the next person to die if he did something wrong._

Those memories haunted him...and he didn't want to re-live them.

* * *

Spock closed his eyes as he sat down calmly. He showed no emotion on the outside, but on the inside he was questioning what had gone wrong. What had caused Kirk to leave the ship and not even tell anyone. But he was also questioning one of the lines in the note. The fact that Kirk wanted to tell him something but he said that it wasn't his place to...that was what was truly bugging him. He was going through everything, every logical thing that Kirk could have wanted to tell him...but in the end none of it added up. No matter what he thought of, no matter how many things he though through...none of it added up. He couldn't think of why that would add onto why he would leave.

None of it made sense, and it was driving him up a wall. The fact that he could not figure this out was the problem.

He just wanted to figure out why Kirk left...why he left him in charge all of the sudden.

But he couldn't...

* * *

_"Our love is impossible...and I know I don't deserve you. I know that you deserve something much better than me. I'm worthless, and you are amazing...you have a woman that loves you...and I promise I won't get in the way of that...so that is why I say goodbye."_


	2. Illuminated

**_Impossible_**

_Au ish. He knew that their love was impossible. He knew that there was no way that he was going to be able to have his love. He was in love with someone else..the person he loved. And he knew...that it was impossible. He was known for doing the impossible...but this was one thing he couldn't do. "I am no longer your captain, I have resigned." And he couldn't take it anymore..._

_Disclaimer: I don't own the fandom or the songs used in this ever._

* * *

**_Chapter 1:_**

**_Illuminated_**

The days passed by slowly for Jim, but as time went on he slowly got used to everything. He got used to not being around his crew members, but it still kind of hurt to know he could never see them again. But, it was a price to be paid consideing that he had decided to leave them. His choice. He knew it was going to be hard, yes, he did know. But he didn't think in all honesty that it would be this bad.

"Ah sorry." He moved back as he bumped someone's shoulder. He didn't quite look at the person but he felt as if something was wrong. More or less because the person caught his shoulder. At this point he wasn't sure if he should look back or not...but something compelled him to glance back at the person. As soon as he did, he regretted it.

Before him was none other than his ex-First Commander. He bit his lip and then slowly got the will to speak again. "...yes is something...wrong?" He asked slowly. He saw someone flicker in the other's eyes before he spoke.

"Jim...is that you?" There was a hint of fear that went into his eyes before he took off running then, his eyes going dark as he tried to get away from the vulcan. It wasn't as easy as he originally thought it would be, but he refused to stop. He had to at least get to his new work, then he knew he could be safe. He had to be. He knew he had to be safe there...he just /had/ to... _I can't go back. I can't go near him. I can't. I...I can't. I just can't._ He ran into the building without a second thought, but felt a hand catch his own. His heart began to pound then as he slowly looked back. His fears came true in that second, as he found the other right there behind him. He was caught. He wasn't that far inside of his work either. He had no way of getting away now. He had to face him. But no, he didn't want to. He did not want to. "Jim..." He had never heard his voice so...so...calming. He never thought he was even able to talk like that.

"I'm not him. I'm not. Let me go." And, his voice cracked. Of course. It just had to show what he was feeling... He turned his head away from him and shook a little bit as he did so. "I'm not..." He had to keep telling himself that it wasn't true. That this wasn't happening at the moment. In all of his wildest dreams, he never thought that he would be found. Maybe it was invitable from the very beginning but...

"Jim." Then it was stern. There was nothing in that tone that he heard that told him to make up lies. He was being told to stop lying. But...

"No..."

"Come on. This needs to end here-"

"No." His voice cracked then and he pulled his hand back, breaking the grasp. He backed up slowly, tears coming to his eyes. "Please no...I can't...no..." He hurt... Everything he had held back before was now coming forward, and he didn't know what to do.

"Jim..." He weakly looked to him then as a few tears dripped from his eyes. A soft look, a look Jim wasn't used to seeing across the vulcan's face. And...he felt that break him. The tears flowed down even more and a whimper escaped his lips. He never had felt so weak before... He never felt so...this was to much. He couldn't handle this at all anymore.

"Kirk, what's happening?" A large man with brown hair walked up, arms crossed, and he was glaring. Jim turned, shaking a little bit. A panicked feeling ran through him in that moment. Because he knew what was going to happen. He knew how bad that this just became.

"I...it's nothing boss." He responded, shaky words leaving his mouth as he responded. A light growl came from the man then as he faced them. Jim took a step back in horror as he realized how angry the other was already. He broke the hand contact that was still there, and began to back up then, not looking up. He was shaking by now and he didn't want to speak to the other now. He knew it was best not to in the first place at the moment.

"Jim-" He was cut off as the boss moved between the two, wrapping an arm around Jim's waist, a glare going towards the half vulcan.

"Get out of this building, now." The tone was enough to make Jim flinch, even if it wasn't directed at him personally. A narrow of the eyes came from the other then.

"I have a matter to speak of with him-"

"Get out." He pushed Jim behind him and growled. The half-vulcan half expected a resistance, but when he saw none, he started to get suspicious. Something already seemed wrong to him about this picture, but at the moment he was still putting the clues together. "I said. Get. Out. You can speak with him later..." _If you happen to find him at that point..._ That ended that conversation...but Jim knew that this wasn't going to go over well later on at all...

* * *

Khan put his hands on Jim's shoulder, looking eye-level with him. A dark glint flickered into his eyes and Jim bit his lip. "That...was a close one...now wasn't it? I thought..." He trailed the hand down. "I said that you were not to speak with any of them again." He got no response and his eyes narrowed a little and he squeezed the shoulder that his hand was still on. A wince came from the other and he growled. "What...did I tell you?"

"...that...it was my choice...to leave...to do this...and I...was never allowed to go back into the past...go back to them."

"Good...and you understand what that entails...correct?" His eyes closed then and he nodded weakly, shaking a little bit as he realized the fact that he had to stay hidden. This wasn't going to be easy now that the vulcan actually knew where he was. This was now going to be very hard.

* * *

_I almost feel like everything is closing around me and I don't know what to do now._

* * *

He clenched his fists as he walked back to his place, soaked to the bone with water, but he was trying not to let that bug him. There were other issues to be dealt with at hand. He had a lot of things that were now on his mind that were never on his mind before. _But now I know...that everything has changed. Everything is different now. We can't be the same people we were once before...that we were back then. Everything is different...my life has changed, and I bet so has his...I'm done now. I can't do this anymore... _He put his head in his hands and collapsed to his knees as he finally got through the door. He couldn't stop the tears that began to stream from his eyes...

...

And he screamed, letting all of the rage and frustration...he let it out...and he let the tears express his pain and every other emotion he was feeling. He just couldn't take it anymore. There were to many emotions, to many things running through his head at the moment. It was cutting him like a knife. He was about to just break inside.

_We are all illuminated..._

He splashed water on his face and shook, his breath catching in his throat. He closed his eyes and let the tears still drip from his face, intermixing with the pouring water. His body was shaking badly, and he felt his knees suddenly grow weak. He didn't want to have to deal with this anymore.

He just wanted everything to stop.

He didn't want the sadness.

He didn't want the pain.

He didn't want the memories.

He just wanted to be numb.

He didn't want any of this.

But he knew, he knew that deep down inside nothing was going to change. Nothing was going to leave him alone...only here could he let it all break down. But even then he knew he was pushing it. He couldn't do this anymore though. He was going to show the signs sooner or later. And he wasn't sure how that was going to go with anyone... Going to go with his boss. If he knew what he thought, the things he felt...he wasn't sure exactly what was going to happen anymore...

_I can't...do this anymore..._

* * *

He held his arms close to himself as he walked to work the next day, not looking up, just keeping his head down. He didn't want to be spotted, he didn't want anyone to recognize him.

But fate couldn't even let him have that could it?

No. It couldn't.

"Jim." His heart stopped in his chest, and his breath came to a stop as he felt two strong hands grip at his shoulders. He knew this time running away would be a lot harder than it had ever been before. He knew that this grip wasn't going to be so easy to get out of this time... More so when he didn't want to let that grip end. He just wanted those arms to hold him close and tight but...

_That isn't possible. This is impossible. It's not possible...it's impossible._ But his breath was still still in hope that he would be "saved"...

_Saved...what a hopeless ideal._

"Jim." His eyes slowly trained up and he looked into those deep pools. He felt himself hypnotized by them, holding his breath.

"Yes?" He managed to whisper.

"...it is...going to be alright." But that made his heart sink instead of feeling it lift up. _Nothing will be alright. Ever. Nothing..._ A whimper escaped his lips in response and then he stilled again, feeling those strong arms wrap around his skinnier form. His breath once more caught there in his throat and he shook a little bit before carefully looked up at the vulcan. His mouth opened in a breathless whisper, he didn't know what to say, or what he did say if he spoke.

All he was aware of then, was those lips over his own...

* * *

_Time waits for no one,_  
_So do you want to waste some time,_  
_Oh, oh tonight?_  
_Don't be afraid of tomorrow,_  
_Just take my hand, I'll make it feel so much better tonight._

_Suddenly my eyes are open, _  
_Everything comes into focus, oh._  
_We are all illuminated, _  
_Lights are shining on our faces, blinding._

_Swing me these sorrows_  
_And try delusion for a while._  
_It's such a beautiful lie._  
_You've got to lose inhibition -_  
_Romance your ego for a while._  
_Come on, give it a try..._

**_We are all illuminated..._**


	3. Glittering Clouds

**_Impossible_**

_Au ish. He knew that their love was impossible. He knew that there was no way that he was going to be able to have his love. He was in love with someone else..the person he loved. And he knew...that it was impossible. He was known for doing the impossible...but this was one thing he couldn't do. "I am no longer your captain, I have resigned." And he couldn't take it anymore..._

_Disclaimer: I don't own the fandom or the songs used in this ever._

* * *

**_Chapter 2:_**

**_Glittering Clouds _**

_The artists impression looks just like me...only...better._

Then, the next second he felt a steady punch knocking him backwards, and he stepped back, shaking then as he saw exactly who had just done that. His body went into a state of stiffness and he let his body hit the ground. He curled up then as he heard yelling, the words drowning out of his ears as he laid there, curled up tightly. He was shaking lightly as he laid there in the rain, the rain making him colder than he was before.

_Go, go faster wider_

_More, more..._

Time passed slowly and he felt his eyes close, the world lost to him in that moment. He wasn't even barley aware of arms wrapping around him and clutching him tightly. His body lay limp in those arms as he could feel his body jerk as it was moved along. He wasn't aware of who it was, but he was aware of the pain in his stomach from where he was punched. He didn't want to let the other person know that though, to know that it had hurt so badly. But it wasn't just the physical pain, it was also emotional. To think...he had been so stupid. He had been so stupid as to believe that something was going to change, and he had lept on that emotion.

_Save me from myself..._

_"Jim...open your eyes."_ His mind was numb as he slowly opened his eyes as asked,and he gazed up at his ex-first commander. He felt tears slowly slip to his eyes knowing that he risked so much..._for something like me._ He forced his gaze to turn away from him and he swallowed heavily. "Jim." He was carefully sat down and he carefully took a glance at where he was, trying to see if there was a way out for one. When he found none, but the door that the other was stationed in front of, he took a deep breath and gazed at the other, but his heart hurt so much as he tried to comprehend that he was there. That he had just saved him. _But why...why did you do that?_ Carefully the other took a step closer to him and put a hand on his shoulder. "You are so-"

"...I know." He whispered finally and looked down. "Not...not what you were expecting huh?" _Was that...kiss nothing more than a mere distraction earlier...?_ "...nothing...like I used to be." The other sighed at that and shook his head a little bit.

"I was to say, skinny." He responded lightly then and sat down next to him, keeping his hand on Jim's shoulder as he carefully took in everything...all of the damage that had been done to him.

"...oh." Jim's eyes focused on the floor carefully as he heard a sigh escape the lips of the other.

"But yes...you have...changed." He stated as he leaned back a little bit. "But...with the conditions I have seen you live in, it seems to be a correct form of change..."

"..." Jim nodded a little and rubbed his arm a bit then before whispering. "Why did you come here? Why did you come after me...please...I want to know why. Because I remember...I told you not to even bother coming after me...but you still did...why?"

"...everyone was worried about you." _So that was the only reason he came here..._ "And...I wasn't about to listen to your orders when they are like that. They were pitiful and you clearly did not think that I, as well as the others, would bother to try and find you. It was only logical that you would then come to a place that you thought would protect you and keep you safe from us. But it only got you in more problems did it not?" He inquired and Jim let out a heavy sigh, glancing over at him finally.

"Yes...I came here...to avoid all of you, to try and get away from all of you. Because I was..." He trailed off and bit his lip. "...I was...**_scared_**...to...to let any of you find me...I guess..." He shook his head a little bit and closed his eyes, leaning back. "I didn't want you to find me."

"...and why did you not want us to find you?" He asked calmly and Jim sighed a little more, glancing over at him. "Why did you even leave a note if you did not want to be found? If you had not we would have had no idea on what happened to you. But you blatantly left a note..."

"...I had things I wanted to say...that I couldn't say to anyone's face...but...shortly after realizing that...well..." He paused then. "...I realized...I couldn't say half of the things I wanted to say...or...it probably would have been much longer than it was..."

"...and what could you not tell us?"

_What I couldn't tell you_. "...I...well..."

"Yes?"

"...n-never mind..." Jim shook his head quickly, even after all of this time he still wasn't able to actually let those words leave his mind. There was just no way. "I-it's really nothing...no big deal or anything...eheh..." He let his eyes close and he gulped a little bit. That was a close one...he wasn't exactly sure what he would do if he actually explained it to him, or just told him... He just...somehow needed to forget that it ever happened and that something was ever wrong with that. He couldn't tell him and that was that. His eyes slowly closed.

"Jim...tell me."

"It's nothing." That was such a horrible lie...and it even hurt for him to say it. But...there was just no way that he could possibly tell him.

He felt those two hands grip onto his shoulders and he slowly looked up at him, biting his lip. "I can tell that it is not just nothing, Jim."

"Really. It is." _No, no it's actually very important but...I can't let you know just what it is._

"Jim." His voice was more stern than it had been before, so much that he could actually feel it. His throat closed up a little and he closed his eyes tightly.

"...no." he whispered softly. "No I _can't_."

"Yes...you can."

"...no..." He wasn't even sure when it happened but he was aware of the fact that he fell against the other before he passed out.

* * *

_I'm not always like this, it's something I've become_  
_A terrible weakness, in my nature, in my blood_  
_Save me, oh save me,_  
_Save me from myself _  
_Before I hurt somebody else again  
_

Jim's eyes slowly began to open and he let out a soft groan. His body ached, but he wasn't sure exactly on why it hurt so much. Slowly sitting up he glanced around before letting out a soft sigh and flopping back again. He tried to ignore the pain and get back to sleep, not wanting to glance at the time or the date. _What even...happened...?_ He closed his eyes with a light sigh as he tried to figure out what exactly was going on...but no... He got up then quickly and bit his lip as he looked around. _No it's not my apartment...no...crud...no._ He moved to his feet and glanced around, taking in every little crack and inch of the place. _No one is here._ He took a deep breath and then quickly began to think of a way out. There was two ways. A window. A door. He personally would go for the window, but...he figured that would be more obvious than going straight out the door, considering it was him.

Taking a deep breath he began to head to the door. He felt like he was being watched but he still moved and opened the door. Looking out he saw no one there, and he carefully began to move. _I don't see anything...or anyone but..._He felt like something was still wrong. Biting his lip he kept heading down the hallway, the feeling of being watched was still there.

**_"Got__ you."_** Arms grasped him and he let out a startled gasp. His eyes widened once before he dropped once more.


	4. Rolling Girl (Boy)

**_Impossible_**

_Au ish. He knew that their love was impossible. He knew that there was no way that he was going to be able to have his love. He was in love with someone else..the person he loved. And he knew...that it was impossible. He was known for doing the impossible...but this was one thing he couldn't do. "I am no longer your captain, I have resigned." And he couldn't take it anymore..._

_Disclaimer: I don't own the fandom or the songs used in this ever._

* * *

**_Chapter 3:_**

**_Rolling Girl (Boy)_**

_I wanna stop my breathing now..._

He opened his eyes and he looked around weakly, shaking a little bit as he came to realize he was tied up and in an all dark room. _Disturbed. Disturbed__._ His heart started to quicken it's beat and he closed his eyes, wanting to try and drown out everything that was happening to him. He hated this. He hated this so much. _Disturbed. Disturbed. _A soft whimper escaped his lips and he let everything go away, trying to see something else. But he couldn't. Nothing else was coming to his mind but things that made him want to cry and sob with all of his might. _Lonely girl always looked at unreachable dreams. Making a fuss if you got inside of her head, disturbed. Disturbed._ He heard a sound and his head shot up, tears still streaming down from his eyes as he heard the footsteps getting closer. _Closer._

"I gave you a chance Kirk. I gave you a good chance to prove to me that you loved me and not him..." Khan was there and he tilted his head up, gazing into his eyes. "And now I'm going to have to make you love me...do you understand what you have gotten yourself into?" He questioned as he looked into those eyes, so deep, Jim felt that his soul was being seen through them. "...you are going to love me..." _"no problem." was murmured, but weren't those words lost?_ He nodded numbly and his eyes closed, he was shaking a little bit but...he had to...

* * *

_Fail again, fail again._

He tried to figure out where he had gone wrong. He wasn't sure what he had done wrong. Where he had gone wrong...in this horrible existence. In all honesty if it was up to him he wanted to end it today. He couldn't take this anymore. Between what was happening to him and what he was getting himself involved in his life...was just a living hell. _After ending your search for mistakes, it spins again!_ His head was in turmoil as he walked down the street, his head down and his face hidden. He wore all long sleeves and gloves over his hands, not once looking up to the people that passed him by.

_Once more. Once more._

He got home and walked inside, not even thinking about what he was doing until he grabbed the sharp object that he had hidden away in the drawer. _"I'll also roll today," That girl says, that girl says. Playing her words with meaning._ He dug the object into his skin and he didn't flinch at the feeling of the metal cutting in, over, and over again. He just wanted the pain to end. Maybe today, he would get lucky and it would stop. He could only imagine what his old friends would think if they knew he was doing this. They would make him stop and ask him constantly the same worlds. _"Are you better now?"_ and he would reply with he was fine. But inside his mind something else would be playing. _"It's still a ways off, I still don't see the point. I'm gonna stop my breathing now."_ And that's what he wanted to happen. But right before it got to bad...he couldn't and the object fell from his hand and he broke down sobbing, his knees failing him and he knelled on the ground bawling until he could no more.

* * *

_Rolling girl is at the end of the ruins, beyond unreachable colors._ In all honesty the vulcan wasn't sure what to do anymore. When he came home to find the ex-captain missing, he just...wasn't sure what to do anymore. He was trying, and trying to hard to help him, but no matter what he did Jim just didn't seem to get the message...and he wasn't sure what to do. At this point...he felt like Jim was beyond his reach of help...but he didn't want to give up.

* * *

_Overlapping voices with voices and blending, blending. _He bandaged his arms and went off to work again. He didn't pay attention to much of what was happening in those hours as he just sat there and worked without making a sound at all. When his friends asked him what was wrong, he responded with the same words, without ever looking up. _"No problem," was murmured, but those words were lost._ They knew he was lying and they normally were trying to figure out what had gone wrong, but he wouldn't tell them. Just the same response day in and day out. _How are you going to turn out good?_

He felt like he should start crying, but he didn't want them to know what was going on in his life. He didn't want them to worry. But he knew that they could tell. _Even the hill tempting me is making mistakes now._ He could see his actions were affecting Khan as well, who wondered what the hell was wrong with him. And the constant nagging about if he was alright bugged him even more. He would go home from his job and do the same thing as the night before._Once more, once more._ If only he would be able to do this once more and it be done with, but he wasn't sure how he could do that. _"Somehow I'm rolling," That girl said, that girl said._ He felt like it would fix his problems, take all of the pain away that he was feeling. He needed it to leave him alone. He just couldn't take the pain anymore. It was too much..._Repeating silent words with meaning._ He tried to say he was sorry over and over, that it was impossible to feel what he felt, and so wrong. That all it did was cause problems and he didn't deserve to be alive for it.

But he kept playing it off like nothing was wrong as they asked the same questions over and over. _"Are you better now?"_ And new words played through his broken mind. _"Just a bit more, and you'll see something soon. I'm gonna stop my breathing, now."_ But he wasn't going to tell them that. He had to make sure that no one knew the intentions he had. He had to keep that a secret. From everyone. Especially Khan. He just had to. So he kept saying that he was fine.

* * *

It was now a cold rainy day, he wasn't even sure what the date was, but he knelled down on the ground and pulled out that special little item. _Once more, once more._ But today was going to be it. He was going to deal with this, he was not going to keep running away from his problems. _"I'll also roll today," That girl says, that girl says, playing her words with a smile._ Today he didn't have to worry. Today...he would end it all, end his rolling down the hill of life. And so...

He placed the item to his neck.

_"Are you better now? It's okay now. Let's go, you must be tired as well, right?"_

Blood splattered the floor as his vision began to black out slowly. Slowly. He knew it was almost over. He was...slowly...fading out.

_I wanna stop my breathing now..._

* * *

_A/n: I know...cliffhanger. But a pole is also up for you all for what song I use, so the quicker I have good results the quicker that one will be up. And here is a mini-explanation of the meaning of this version of the song. If you know this song is called Rolling Girl by Hatsune Miku. There are many variations to what this song means but you can think of what you want but this was my meaning really._

_The song is about a girl that doesn't feel like she belongs in the world and everything is going wrong for her. She rolls to keep her mind off of things ((a nice way of saying cutting)), and she uses this to escape reality. She makes sure that no one knows what is going through her mind and what she is going to do. What she wants to do but she can't. So she makes sure they don't know by saying things to make them believe she is, but different words, the truth, run through her mind. Others want to help but she is just someone they cannot help. They try...but in the end she just hears words running through her mind telling her how good it is that her breathing stopped._

_Now don't think that this means he is going to die. You don't know that yet. Just wait and see._


End file.
